Alex Reynard
The Library
Alex Reynard's Online Books
Part TWENTY-TWO
Dorster killed the music and suggested that he couldn't stay on break forever. Toby was panting, exhausted, soaked with sweat, and more than a little afraid of himself by the end of it. He never knew he was capable of such savagery, even if it was only against an appliance. His body radiated heat and ache. He should have been in physical misery, but instead he felt... great.
Two more Anisocoria Rains were waiting for him and Zinc when they re-entered the shop. Toby was glad for the chance to sit down and just breathe, while Zinc began paying off the unspeakably gargantuan bill for his new toys. (The mouse was flabbergasted to hear that this was actually his last payment. There'd been four more!) Dorster and Alfonzo now had enough concentrated will to eat steak and lobster every night for a month. They certainly had enough to replace the autos and appliances which Zinc and Toby had rendered into pencil shavings. The door ding-a-ling'ed as the mouse and mutt left through it, with both avians waving and wishing them many happy uses of their wares.
Afterwards, the duo headed back to the hotel. They plopped down in a booth at the mostly-empty thoughtstaurant to wait for the girls. Still giddy from adrenaline, they talked about the carnage they'd just wrought. Zinc had caused far more damage, of course. Toby was a little bashful about that. But Zinc reassured him, "In the school of mayhem, you're just a freshman right now. You'll learn. Soon enough you'll be causing major havoc with Bonky." Toby asked him to please stop calling his hammer that.
The two of them had already finished off a pitcher of root beer and nearly fallen into naptime by the time Piffle, Junella and Doll returned.
The first thing Toby noticed was that Doll was still a doll. She'd been cleaned up considerably and looked toystore-new, but still remained trapped in inanimate plastic. (Also, the edges of her face-hole had been sanded down into a smooth square. Toby couldn't tell if that was less creepy or more.)
The second thing he noticed was how absolutely frazzled Junella looked. She had the eyes of a shellshocked war vet. There were places on her body where she'd actually scraped off curls of plastic in irritation.
When she saw Zinc, she made a beeline for him. She clamped her hands down on his shoulders, "SAY SOMETHING PESSIMISTIC!!" she exploded.
"Uh... uh... uh..." he tried to think of something. "Uh, you'll never finish eating a whole kark roast, we'll never get Tinder outta our backyard, and our chances of reaching Anasarca without getting our minds wiped forever are about as good as a fart in a windstorm."
The skunk sighed loudly in relief and sank into the booth next to him. A vinyl finger stabbed out, pointing at Piffle. "You don't know what she's like! The... the CHEERFULNESS!!! It's infinite! Relentless! You ever drink an entire bottle of maple syrup!? That's what being stuck in a waiting room with her for five hours is like!!"
Zinc checked the clock on the wall. "You weren't gone for more'n two."
"IT FELT LIKE IT!!"
Piffle merely giggled and hugged Toby. "She's just grouchy," she whispered in his ear. "I'll get her to lighten up someday."
While Zinc consoled the trembling Junella and ordered her a stiff drink, Toby looked down to Doll and gave her plastic paw a shake. "So, how'd the hospital thing turn out? I mean, I can see they didn't cure you. But did you at least learn anything?"
Piffle ran her paw through Doll's curls. "They were mystified! Utterly bumblezoozled! The doctor was a very nice porcupine, with a stethoscope 'n everything. He and the nurses ran poor Dolly through a zillion tests. They threw all the voodoo they could think of at her. They melted her down, poured potions in her, fed her to this snakey-mouth-lava-thing; none of it worked! The doc said it was like her curse was alive and fighting back at them."
"Gosh, that's horrible." Toby squeezed Doll's hand. "I'm sorry."
When the waitress arrived with Junella's drink, Piffle ordered herself a blueberry milkshake. "We even tried giving her a face," she told Toby, "but that didn't work either. Here, watch." Piffle picked up a napkin, dumbfounded a tube of lipstick into existence, and drew a smiley on it. She placed the napkin over the hole in Doll's head, and it only stayed there for a second before suddenly decomposing to nothing.
Toby flinched back. "That is really weird!"
"And how!" Piffle concurred. "We tried it over 'n over with all different materials! Every time the same thing. Voop! Gone! They'd never seen anything like it before." She picked up Doll and held her around the waist. "But I don't mind. I still think you're pretty." She gave her a smooch, and to Toby she said, "All in all, a disappointing start. The only good parts were spending time with Junella-"
"Say my name once more in this lifetime and I will grind your soul to powder and piss on it," the skunk rumbled from across the table.
Piffle 'tee-hee'ed and continued on blithely. "-And the nurse's uniforms! They were so cute I got jealous!"
Toby honestly could not tell if the hamsterfly was just totally immune to Junella's temper, or was more aware than she let on and having a blast teasing her.
"Me 'n Zinc went to Dorster's," Toby said.
"Didja? Didja buy some neat stuff?" Piffle finally noticed his bracers and she ran her paws all over the metal, enjoying the texture.
"Got my hammer fixed up too."
He popped it into his hand, making Piffle go, "OOOOOHH!!"
Junella gave the mouse an especially dirty look. "Is the whole world fuckin' with me today!? I sent you to that shop to get yourself something better. Not to shiny up that shrimpy thing you already got!"
Zinc rotated Junella around so he could start giving her a shoulder massage. His wrenchhands gouged huge ruts in her plastic flesh, but it must have felt good from the way the mustelid moaned. "Chill city, partner. His hammer's nightmare-born. It's tougher than it looks. You shoulda seen what it did to that stove! Plus he's got a not-too-shabby pitching arm on him, so we threw in some ninja stars 'n daggers 'n shit."
The massage was working. Junella was practically melting on him and could barely lift her arm to respond. "...awrightIguess."
Zinc smirked, proud of himself for dousing her fuse. "Plus, oh happy day, I think I got an upgrade big enough for both of us."
She angled her head backwards, finally noticing the silver fezzes on his shoulders. She snorted at them. "Hell's bells, you're always bumpin' into me in close quarters as it is."
"Hey, they're removable!"
"I can't wait to see what they do," Piffle cooed.
He winked. "If someone tailgates us in traffic later, maybe you will."
"I don't wanna spoil the surprise, but trust me, they do some serious damage," Toby said. "Really cool. Really loud too! You shoulda seen how many cars Zinc destroyed! He went totally nuts!"
"I'll bet he did," Piffle replied with a bit of a flush to her cheeks. She turned to Junella. "So, what've we got planned for the rest of the afternoon?"
The skunk rolled her head towards the hamsterfly. "We're gonna play a game. A game where you stand in a hole sixty feet deep and I go get a shovel."
Piffle giggled. "Aw, you're so funny!"
Junella's orange eyes seemed to catch on fire. "Nothing I say works!!" she sang to Zinc. "She's a brick wall! She's titanium! I couldn't knock her down with dynamite! Could I be beaten? Zinc, I've killed things as big as submarines. I've seen more of this hellhole than most people have seen on maps. Why can't I make her shut up!?"
"Because secretly you like me," Piffle dared to tease, then slurped her milkshake.
"I must! Because ya ain't dead yet!!"
***
George had been left in the parking lot, since the girls' intent was to only be inside long enough to refresh themselves and pick up the fellas. The equine didn't mind this. In fact, he ended up having a fascinating chat with the otter attendant about chess.
When his passengers emerged, he noticed right away that Sir Zinc's shoulders seemed wider, and that Madam McPerricone and Madam Brox were keeping as far apart as possible. Also that Sire Toby was giving Madam Doll a piggyback ride.
They'd discussed sightseeing plans inside, but quickly rehashed them for George's benefit. Junella let Zinc plan the route, since she planned to spend most of the time in the car getting some goddamned peace and quiet. Piffle and Toby both said that they were up for whatever he suggested.
They retrieved the Fearsleigher from storage and Zinc tipped the attendant with a smooch on the cheek. George found it surprisingly satisfying to be harnessed again. Having a weight behind him and passengers depending on his effort made his nonexistent heart swell. "A feeling of usefulness gives one self-confidence," he observed.
Junella took the passenger seat this time. Toby and Piffle were in the back once more, giving Doll a reassuring hug between them. She drew little hearts on both their legs when they weren't looking. Zinc hoisted himself up to the driver's side and nearly fell back to the pavement when he forgot to account for his new shoulder width. At the insistence of Junella's scowl, he unscrewed the devices. As soon as he did, the chains popped off and absorbed fully into his flesh. "Handy," he noted, and tucked the fez-parts in the glove compartment. He didn't anticipate any heavy combat while they were still in Coryza anyway. With a cry of "Haul ass!" to George, they were off on their excursion.
And so began the longest and most pleasant afternoon Toby had so far spent in Phobiopolis.
After so many days spent in constant tense alertness (or eviscerating shame, or sheer blind terror), the calm of Coryza was a balm for Toby's soul. But there was something more than simple comfort he'd been missing since his arrival in Phobiopolis. Fun. He hadn't been able to relax enough to smile for most of his journey, much less laugh. But here he was in the realm's safest city, surrounded by people who'd proven worthy of his trust. Toby let his tension melt. He let thoughts of Anasarca be forgotten. For those few precious hours, he was simply a friend among friends.
Zinc, being a born showoff, relished his role as tour guide. As George ferried them to their first stop, Zinc had his head out the window the whole time, endlessly pointing out places worth seeing and people worth knowing. He said he'd actually lived in Coryza for a time, but started worrying all the safety might make him soft.
Toby was a bit surprised when their destination turned out to be the Coryzan Historical Preservation Confederation. Zinc did not seem the museum type, yet his tail was wagging wildly as he and the others exited the car. When Piffle and Junella had retrieved it from the parking space earlier, the otter had asked if they wanted to buy a resizer of their own so George wouldn't panic anyone else. This offer was eagerly agreed to. By now, George was highly amused with becoming tiny, and practically giggled when he was shrunken down to rodent-size again.
Zinc tried to coax Junella into coming along, but she said she really did want some time to herself. He respected that. So she laid down in the back seat of the Fearsleigher while it was reduced as well (to save on parking fees). Piffle picked it up with the skunk inside, George too, and handed them both to Toby. She said they'd be safe and toasty warm in his pajama pockets. Toby placed them inside, and reminded himself to be very careful in his movements or else they'd be walking the rest of the way minus two companions. (A moment later, he realized his pajamas hadn't had pockets until Piffle had said they did. His mind sputtered and rolled around on the floor for a moment, trying to figure that one out.)
Toby was already enjoying the museum even before he'd gotten past the lobby, simply because it was the site of his very first successful willwell-filling. True, the admission was so small the others paid theirs with merely a glance, but to Toby it was an important baby step. 'If I can do it once, I can do it again,' he told himself.
It did not take long to discover why Zinc was so fond of this place. The group passed through an immense marble doorway into the biggest room in the building: the hall of Coryza's founding. Here there was nearly as much weaponry on display as at Dorster's place. Toby was struck by a wave of solemnity. As his eyes roamed around, he saw dozens of paintings illustrating the struggle for civilization to conquer wilderness. There were depictions of great battles against hopeless waves of wild nightmares. And the actual weapons and construction tools were here to see too. Here was a display case full of swords, each damaged in a different way from secretions of different beasts. There was a front-end loader, its surface pockmarked and gouged by innumerable tooth and clawmarks. Kids were sitting in its scoop and getting their pictures taken.
In the center of the hall, people were crowding around a cluster of gilt-edged glass boxes. Each seemed to contain a thundercloud. When Toby investigated, his jaw dropped. These were memory clouds! Recollections assembled from the minds of the people who had really been there and died there. As Toby stared into one, he felt his perceptions being drawn to it. The deeper he let himself fall, the more the sights and sounds of battle filled his senses. It was deep night. Strange purple beams lit the workers pouring concrete for Coryza's foundation, a giant disc miles in diameter. Warriors encircled them, holding back the monsters so the work could progress. The dry desert ground was made muddy from the blood of men and beasts. Toby could hear the pounding of construction, the shrieks of death, and the clash of metal on armored flesh.
When he looked away, he was shaking. And actually crying. Just those brief seconds were overwhelming. To have actually lived in that time, to have risked so much for the benefit of others... Toby knew this was courage beyond his own comprehension. And too, this was a land without permanent death. So these men had gone to work knowing that sometimes the nightmares would win. They'd rip them to shreds and blot their minds with agony, and they'd have to do it all over again until the work was done.
Toby felt a duty to visit each and every memory. He watched the immense plates of Coryza's walls being forged. He watched riveters walking nonchalantly along beams four stories high. He watched night guards sending out arrows as fast as imaginite could make them, to stop the creatures that menaced the crews trying to fit the walls into place. He watched through the eyes of an unlucky welder as he was ambushed by something large and toothful, and his head went sliding down its gullet.
Toby was very glad that had been the last one in the room, because after that he really wanted to look at something else.
Thankfully, other rooms were smaller, quieter, and featured less bloodshed. There was an exhibit on storefront architecture. There were portraits of famous Coryzan citizens, along with artifacts from their lives. Toby was a little surprised to learn that the very first willwell had been invented here and was itself on display. It looked a lot like one of those massive old-timey radios.
The second floor was wholly dedicated to the arts. It was so silent Toby could hear the soles of his feet squeak on the hardwood. Here were paintings, sculptures, even graffiti, all depicting Coryzan life from a multitude of perspectives. It struck Toby deeply to see such evidence that the will to expression was truly unconquerable. Here, in this realm of eternal fear, people not only survived, they defiantly kept the fire of creativity alight. One particular painting stopped Toby dead in his tracks. It filled a whole wall from floor to ceiling. It depicted the wasteland around Coryza, filled with monsters so hideous they hurt to look at. Lolling eyes and slithering tongues. Great clawed hands, tendons straining. They were piled up against the wall, scratching and banging, standing on top of each other's trampled corpses in their frenzy to get inside. Toby could practically hear them. Yet on the other side of the wall was a pleasant city street. A small boy was skipping along next to his father, holding a balloon. The pair were laughing. They must have been able to hear the hammering, screeching horde outside. And yet they easily ignored it, seeing only one another.
The others, after losing track of Toby for several minutes, eventually found him standing in this same spot, still looking.
When Zinc gently suggested that they might like to move on and have something to eat, Toby nodded and let Piffle take his hand to lead him away. He hadn't seen everything in the museum, but he didn't think anything else that would top that painting.
Back outside in the fresh air and noontime traffic sounds, Toby seemed to snap out of it. He asked what Zinc had in mind for lunch. He pointed a few blocks away with his wrench, and Toby saw a group of people sitting on empty air fifty feet above an intersection.
Acrophobia seized him. But as they walked towards the uncanny sight, Zinc managed to explain it among bursts of trivia about everything else they were passing. (They resized the Fearsleigher long enough to retrieve Junella, whose mood had improved quite a bit after her Piffleless rest.)
No one was sure why it was called The Glass Triangle, since it was actually a square. Maybe it just sounded nicer. But years ago, when an enormous pane of nightmare-born glass had been discovered, someone got the idea to balance it on the far corners of four buildings and serve food there. Toby and the others went up a wrought-iron elevator to the fourth floor, to a small room where a waiter welcomed them. Like at the hotel, it was mostly a thoughtstaurant, though they did also serve drinks and appetizers. When Piffle saw the menu, she highly recommended the nurps. Toby asked what they were. Nurps were like snuds, she explained, but orange and pointy at one end. This did not leave Toby any clearer on the concept, but he said he'd try some if Piffle ordered them.
Walking up to the dining area, Toby came perilously close to soiling his pajamas for a second time that day. The wind was not terrible, but it was definitely bad. There were no guardrails. Just a flat pane of glass with tables and chairs and people all standing on it as if this were completely normal. Toby wrapped himself around the post at the top of the stairs and couldn't bring himself to move. Junella walked out like it was nothing and gave him a 'get over it' look. (Of course, that was easy for someone with the natural friction of grooved pawpads.) Piffle tried to make Toby feel better by saying that, even if he did fall off and go splat on the pavement below, he could just pick his guts back up and come back up to his meal. This did not make him feel better. Zinc tried too, saying that the glass was the same stuff as Toby's hammer. It would support their weight just fine. He even gave it a hard whack with his left wrench to demonstrate. It didn't shatter, didn't even wobble. (Though it did leave an ugly white streak which Zinc quickly stood on and hoped the waiter wouldn't notice.) Eventually Toby decided that maybe he could walk over to a table if Piffle had her hands around his waist the whole time, ready to fly him to safety if he slipped. She was, of course, perfectly happy with this arrangement.
After many cheek-nuzzles from Piffle, Toby found himself seated. He looked down and saw cars the size of hedgehogs doodling around below him. The glass was so crystal clear it genuinely looked like he was being held in the air by magic. It didn't help that the tables were transparent too. Toby's muscles were tight as violin strings, but a part of him had to admit that this was a pretty cool feat of engineering.
He ordered a mere pound when the waiter came back. Piffle got four again, plus a basket of nurps. When these arrived, Toby saw that they were definitely orange and pointy. And bizarrely delicious. They tasted somewhat like a combination of french fries, cheddar, and seafood, with just a hint of gasoline fumes. Toby turned his imaginite into a club sandwich. Piffle had a plate of ribs that soon resulted in her face and torso becoming a bloodbath of barbecue sauce. Junella chose a salmon steak, while Zinc had a borgelnuskie: a type of heartburn-inducing footlong sausage. They both enjoyed coconuts full of rum. George once again enjoyed everything everyone else was enjoying.
As they ate, they chatted. About the museum, the food, how they'd slept last night, etcetera. No mention was made of the journey ahead of them. This moment was like the celebration before shipping out for military service. The calm before the storm. It was a time to concentrate on the happy present instead of the perilous future.
Toby actually managed to relax enough to eat. So long as he didn't look down too much, he could pretend he wasn't really so high up. He focused on his food, and also the pretty little park a block away. Its presence made sense. In this city-in-a-box, people would need some natural beauty to stay sane. There was a little lake down there. Kids were splashing in it. People were biking past the trees. Toby smiled.
When everyone's plates contained nought more than puddles and crumbs, the group filled the willwell for their bill and headed to their next attraction. George was rebiggened and carried them to the aptly-named House Of Impossible Architecture. Zinc realized and admitted that this was probably not the smartest place to go to after a meal. They might run the risk of seeing their food come back to wave howdy.
One step inside and Toby already felt his brain breaking. Corzya's architects had, purely for amusement, utilized the properties of imaginite, uncertainty ore, and their own wildest dreams to bring all the classical optical illusions to life. The rules of gravity and physics were given the middle finger in here. Every surface of the large building was completely explorable, with padding wherever people were most likely to fall off. Zinc started off running sideways up a ceiling and the others followed.
Toby's stomach didn't enjoy this place very much, but the rest of him definitely did. This was like Escherland: The Theme Park. He defied gravity with ease, running upside down on floating ramps that would suddenly invert to position him upright again, but only so long as he perceived that he was. He took a drink from a fountain where the water flowed up, curved in midair, then went sideways out the window. Zinc challenged him to race to the top of a Penrose staircase. Toby tried for a while before realizing he was being duped. Zinc cracked up and Toby playfully shoved him off the edge into a portal which soon had him falling from the ceiling about ten times before he managed to grab solid ground. No hard feelings, of course.
Toby found a display of impossible objects. All sorts of geometrical figures which couldn't exist in three dimensions, yet did. He could even pick them up and turn them around. There was also a wall of mirrors nearby. Toby could see himself reflected in each one, but behind him was a different part of the building than he was standing in. And by stepping forward into the glass, he could actually go there. At one point he found himself on the inside of a möbius arch. Piffle was below, and they both stood on tiptoes to touch noses.
Junella had been keeping track of time. She took up the responsibility to herd everyone else together when the clock showed they were getting close to when they'd promised Lady Xenoiko they'd check out. Even though they had all their gear with them, they still had to go back and pay for the room, which Junella admitted she should have thought of earlier. Everyone else had forgotten too. So they bade farewell to the House Of Impossible Architecture and everyone wobbled a bit as they crossed the sidewalk outside.
They were halfway back to the hotel when Zinc got beestung by an idea. He begged and cajoled and wheedled Junella to let him make one more stop. She snarled some, but allowed it. George pulled off a beautiful U-turn in the middle of traffic and soon the Fearsleigher was wedged in an alley beside Pick's Used Books.
Pick turned out to be a furson made entirely of mud. Their gender was unguessable, and so was the question of how they managed to keep all the books clean. Zinc zoomed to the back of the store and the others soon heard a triumphant, "They're still here!" The canine returned with a bulging wrenchload of old hot rod magazines which he enthusiastically paid for.
Toby didn't have much time to look around, but the shop was small enough that the time he had was all he needed. Like many of its kind, this bookstore's shelves were crammed full and tight. Dust sprinkled down from some of the top-shelf volumes. Toby noticed with a bit of bitterness how all the titles turned to pure craziness when he tried to read them: 'Abernarthry And The Vellum Snorpengrvlrd6r', 'Goopnose Borks Damp' 'Quillflautin's Drembrubeastness', and '10 Ways To Kelk Shreempf This Summer!' Though in the young adult section, he knew at least one book on sight from the cover illustration. It was one of his favorites from home, and it was short enough that he had half a chance of actually finishing it before they reached Anasarca. He brought it up to the register, where Piffle had somehow selected a massive stack of reading material that had to be held in place with her chin when she walked. Junella bought a political thriller and a paperback about lumberjacks.
Soon they were back at the Tatterdemalion and Zinc flirted with the otter attendant some more. As they headed up the steps to the main entrance, Piffle felt a grooved black hand give her arm a tug. She turned, puzzled, and Junella was giving her a 'No more bullshit' look.
In the calmest tone she could manage, she informed Piffle that this was the point where their journey would really begin. If the hamster wanted to come along to support Toby, that was fine. But she'd have to find a way to make herself useful. "I am no one's babysitter. You got any weapons stored under that skirt? Combat experience?" The implication was clear: 'If you don't, this city is the best place to drop you off while we head on.'
Piffle straightened her hem and said primly that, though she wasn't fond of fighting, she could handle herself just fine. "I ain' no palooka, but I get by," were her exact words.
Junella sighed and, clearly ignoring her better instincts, said she was willing to give Piffle a fair shake. But she strongly "suggested" that anyone who rode in her car oughtta at least have a defensive weapon on them. She told the hamster to flutter on over to Dorster's and pick up something, anything, "And make it quick!!" she yelled as Piffle buzzed off.
Junella hopped up the steps to rejoin the boys. Zinc was showing Toby how package delivery worked in Phobiopolis. Delicately, he separated out the ones he wanted to read most eagerly from his stack of new magazines, and placed the rest in a pile next to a gravestone-shaped gape in the lobby wall. After tying them up with a spool of provided twine, he stepped back and hollered. Toby managed not to scream as a rat the size of a panther poked his grizzled snout out, took the package in his teeth, and presumably carried it back to the Jennie-Mae.
Toby had earlier been curious how the mouse-post system handled things larger than a letter. "But if they can carry bigger things, why don't people just ship themselves place to place?"
Zinc cringed. "A good question. See, the Vermillion only handle inanimate objects. As in, that's what you'll end up as if they handle you. Kinda like what Doll's got. Clear enough picture?"
Toby cringed too.
Lady Xenoiko was tending to hotel business at the moment, leaving Mr. Xenoiko to handle the cash register. The tiny simian was a flurry of movement and good cheer. His eyes were magnified to the size of baseballs by his glasses and his beard grew down to his belt. When the group of five was assembled before him, he shook all their hands quite vigorously for someone his age. He asked everyone lots and lots of questions about their satisfaction with their stay. His delight whenever they said they liked something was off the charts. He would frequently leap into little improvised dance moves.
Then he played the register like a ragtime piano, totaling up their room, the alterations to it, and the parking fees. When he showed them the willwell, Junella offered Toby a try at seeing how much of it he could fill. He gulped. He reminded himself he'd been able to pay for his book back at Pick's, and no one expected him to fill the whole thing. So he stood calmly, cleared his mind, and focused on the red line. His construction crew readied their ropes and chains. He tried to channel the feeling of watching the workers build Coryza's mighty walls. And the red line moved a bit. Not much, but more than Toby was expecting.
He pushed and pulled and shoved until his eyes started to cross. Junella observed. When she thought he was about to hurt himself from the strain, she gave him a 'not too shabby' nod, then gently shoved him aside.
The skunkess stood in front of the willwell, took a deep breath, then gave it a look like it had just murdered her sensei. Toby watched the red line move much, MUCH quicker than when he'd tried. Toby had gotten a few centimeters in as many minutes. Junella had it almost to the halfway point in half that time.
Then her concentration was shattered by, "Hiya, fellas!! I'm back!!"
Junella turned slowly to face Piffle and growled murderously at seeing the hamsterfly's hands empty. "Were they closed? Did you get lost!?"
"Nope!" she bubbled. "In fact, soon as I said I was pals with Zinc 'n Toby, Mr. Bird Man got real nice! I flitted around and saw all this mean-looking poky stuff. None of it suited me. But then near the back, I saw it! I knew I wanted it the second I laid eyes on it!!"
Junella's face screwed up in a grimace of unfathomable irritation. "What, exactly, did you buy?" she rumbled like a bluesman singing about drowning his wife.
Piffle made a 'tsk tsk' gesture. "You nosy thing! You'll just have to wait and see. But I did take your advice and got something that'll be real good in a scrap, I promise!" She pulled up her blouse, revealing a faint glow coming from inside her bellybutton. "He even gave me a place to keep it!" she said, adding giggles for punctuation.
The side of Junella's face twitched. "I don't wanna know," she said flatly. "If I know, it'll kill me, I know it. So I don't wanna know it."
Piffle looked behind her and noticed the cash register. "Oh! You're payin' for the room?" She fluttered over. "Let me take care of that for you, please! You've been so nice, letting me stay with you. It's the least I can do. You shoulda waited and let me get the whole thing."
The skunk's expression towards Piffle did not exactly soften, but she shrugged. "I ain't gonna stop nobody payin' my bills for me."
"Thank you, Junella!" Piffle shook both the skunk's paws before she could be stopped.
Junella hissed like a cobra.
Piffle took her spot before the willwell, stuck out her tongue a little, and thought at it.
What happened next was extraordinary.
Toby had been facing Junella, and saw her expression change from frenzied annoyance, to disbelief, then confusion, then outright disbelief, then realization, and finally an equally-frenzied look of 'Holy shit, I have stumbled onto a gold mine.'
When Toby looked at the willwell, he realized that Piffle had paid off the entire remaining half of their total in a mere seven seconds. And without batting an eyelash.
Toby connected the dots. Junella obviously believed her own will was pretty strong. She and Zinc could fill a willwell pretty fast. But they were go-karts compared to Piffle. The hamsterfly was a turbine-powered racecar. Which meant that her will was stronger than any of them had suspected.
In Phobiopolan terms, she was a golden goose.
Toby could practically see dollar sounds and 'ka-ching' noises pouring out of Junella's ear-holes. She was damn near salivating on the carpet.
The willwell 'ding'ed and Piffle turned around, smiling as usual, not showing a hint of exertion. "All done! So are we ready to hit the road?"
Junella swiveled to Zinc and asked with her expression, 'Did you fucking SEE that!?'
Zinc looked like a bullet train had just gone past an inch in front of his face. He nodded.
They both looked at Piffle.
And they grinned.
*****