Alex Reynard
The Library
Alex Reynard's Online Books
Chapter Sixty-One
Everyone noticed a change in the mouse, though it was nothing they could put their finger on. A straightening of the posture? A new clarity in his eyes? Zinc began to ask about it and Toby cut him off, promising to explain later. For now, he had introductions to make. He gave L'roon everyone's names and many hands were shook all around.
After greetings and short summary of how they'd met, Toby noticed L'roon couldn't take his eyes off George. The two began to size each other up. George seemed highly puzzled at first, like he was smelling an odor he couldn't quantify. It was both heartwarming and hilarious when an expression of 'Can it possibly be!?' spread across the stallion's bony face. L'roon's smile ballooned at the recognition. They both began to chat intensely in low tones of nightmare-ese.
Since he knew the two constructs might be at it for hours, Toby filled in the others a bit more on what had happened after The Tub Station Vomit Incident. Though he was very selective in what he shared. For one, he had promised L'roon he wouldn't spill the merchant's secret origins, and Toby deLeon kept his word. Secondly, he wasn't quite ready to tell them everything he'd unearthed about his past. The wound was too raw. He wanted to ruminate a while to be sure of all the conclusions he'd come to. Maybe even a few days. When his friends asked exactly what had set him off in such an extreme reaction to the tub station, he said simply "A bad memory". This resulted in puzzled looks, but he stuck to his silence.
Though he also apologized several times for his vanishing act. "I know you must've been waiting on me all that time to follow you."
"All's forgiven," Zinc said easily. "I saw how many chunks you blew. Whatever it was that happened, it was serious business."
Junella nodded. "Ditto. Though, I do gotta ask. You brought us here via some wishing doohickey, right? Why the hell didn't you just wish yourself closer to us?"
"Oh, I thought of that!" Toby said brightly. "I knew I wanted to wish us back together, but I also saw the sky. I noticed Anasarca looks a lot closer here than it did from Marasmus. I thought I could knock a few miles off our trip."
"The market's even closer," she informed him flatly.
Toby blanched. "I hadn't considered that possibility."
"Or you coulda wished the whole bunch of us straight to Aldridge's driveway."
Toby looked crestfallen. He squeaked and started babbling more apologies.
A broad smile rolled across Junella's face and she punched Toby on the arm. "Aw, shuddup. It doesn't matter. I'm just glad to see your buckteeth again, shortcake." She spun the mouse into a rough but heartfelt hug.
The others joined her, and she didn't even complain this time.
***
It was inevitable the travelers would get around to doing a bit of business with L'roon. He was getting on with George like a long-lost brother, admiring the car and listening with fascination to the stallion's tale of ascension. But when he overheard Toby mentioning all the neat stuff he'd seen in the cart, L'roon put the conversation on hold and told George they'd continue soon. The whiff of commerce was in the air.
The first order of business was nose plugs for all. Everyone else had laughed when Toby told them his reason for the gummi worms, but after a mere five minutes of being surrounded by the pernicious odor of soap, they understood completely. L'roon passed out little balls of clay, "On the house."
Everyone ended up buying something, unsurprisingly. When L'roon's silver tongue got going, he could have sold space heaters to snowmen. Doll found a pair of silk gloves in emerald green that fit her perfectly. Zinc got an all-purpose screwdriver. Piffle noticed a scuffed tin ladybug: when its key was wound, its wings opened to display dazzling colors. Junella scrounged around in the cassette tapes and found a few that made her heart leap. She couldn't wait to get home to play them in the Jennie-Mae's hi fi. George's nose was drawn to some preserved organ meats under glass. They tasted scrumptious. L'roon kept mum about them actually being laboratory specimens.
Junella offered to trade for everyone's bounty with a hefty sack of Gilla-Gilla's handmade tree jerky (there was still plenty left) and all their EC supplies that were now past the point of usefulness. She grinned to herself, pleased at having unloaded a bunch of dead weight in exchange for treasure. On the other hand, L'roon was grinning harder at getting his hands on some genuine, brand new, unused RB&WB merchandise. Plus some delightful traveling snacks. Both had given up useless things in exchange for valuable ones. Just how L'roon liked it.
Even though their destinations lay in opposite directions, George and L'roon had so much more to discuss that neither of them wanted to part ways. L'roon weighed the cost of a potential lost sale against the gain of George's company. Finally he decided to follow them to the edge of Dysania, then double back. And if his wine seller in Drapetomania wanted to pitch a fit, the old poop could go screw himself with a rake.
George got hitched back up to the car, opting to pull rather than drive for a while. L'roon got his cart squared away, then hooked it back onto his belt. He asked if George was ready to go. The stallion said he would graciously allow his fellow construct to set the pace.
With a twinkle in his eye, L'roon took off at a thoroughbred's gallop.
"Oho! So it is a race you want?" George neighed loudly and knocked everyone else back in their seats.
Soon enough he and L'roon were both vaulting over soap dunes at top speed screaming, "Wheeeeee!"
***
With the windows up and the AC on, the smell of soap was finally out of Toby's life. He snuggled into the Fearsleigher's cozy backseat with an immense smile on his muzzle. Sitting down in a moving car was a hell of a lot nicer than dragging himself along the sand. Doll was at his side, with Piffle nearby. Zinc and Junella had their chairs swiveled to face the back. It felt like being home again.
He was still missing an eye though, and wasn't in the mood to die again to get it back. Piffle fussed over him and made a sporty little eyepatch from imaginite, the same blue as his outfit.
That's when the blatantly obvious finally caught up to Toby's brain. He looked at Piffle's fuzzy, cheerful smile and bobbing antennae. "Piffle! You're supposed to be a big red goatmonster!" he burst. Then sputtered, "I mean, not supposed to be! But the last time I saw you, you were!"
The hamsterfly giggled. Zinc and Junella both sighed, having thought that particular circumbendibus was done with. Now they had to dredge it up again to get Toby back in the loop.
The mouse had a sudden thought. "Did my wish revert you? That'd be neat."
"No, silly!" Piffle said, swatting him.
"Yeah, I guess that'd be too much to hope for. So then, you got lucky at the market town?"
"We did!" she said jubilantly. "Though at first we were all standin' around waiting on you. Twiddling our thumbs like you do in a waiting room, thinking, 'Gosh, he can't possibly be much longer, can he?'"
Toby blushed. "Sorry again."
"Pish tosh, You already said that enough! Plus tub stations are just plain unreliable, period. One time I climbed in one with a song stuck in my head and ended up under a lake. Anywizzle, after a while Zinc went back to Marasmus to look for you."
The canine nodded. "Hacked around the forest, calling your name. Had to bash a coupla heads in while I was at it. But of course, you was occupied elsewheres."
"So when he got back, we all took shifts waiting on you," Piffle continued. "I offered first so the others could have some time to shop around."
Junella had to concede a small nod for that thoughtfulness. "I bought us a few things that slipped my mind in EC."
"Plus these!" Zinc remembered. He rustled in a bag and tossed Toby a small paper-wrapped pastry. The mouse took a bite and toffee-colored goo squoze out. His tongue rejoiced.
Piffle had already eaten one and fully understood Toby's bliss. "I waited on a bench just outside the Arrival Station, humming to myself and saying hi to people. They weren't exactly friendsy. Not that I could blame 'em. Then Zinc came running back and told me he'd spotted my body! So Doll and Junella took up the watch while me'n Zinc hot-footed it."
Toby looked between the skunk and toy. That must have been a frictionful encounter.
Doll scribbled quickly, then held up:
We TalKeD
Toby was pleasantly surprised. "Really?"
Junella shrugged. "Eh. Figured we'd been this far together. Was time for me to stop bein' a pissy-cat towards her. I told her some pirate ship stories. She told me some of who she used to be. I kept the notes and she said you could read 'em later if you want."
"I'd be very interested," Toby said. Junella handed him a stack of notepad sheets and he tucked them in his inner vest pocket.
Piffle was interested too, but for now she was in the middle of a story. "Zinc led me to a spot where we could spy on this couple on a date. Except one of them was me! Zinc said the other's outfit meant he was a Rhinolith guard. Toilet helmet 'n everything."
"A toilet helmet..." Toby boggled.
Piffle wiggled bashfully. "I hated to break it up. They was pretty stuck on one another. Though jeezum crow, did they ever swear a lot! I've never heard so many sweet nothings come out of such pottymouths!" Toby chuckled. "Finally Zinc and I came at 'em from either side, expecting a real doozy of a dust-up. But when the guy in my body saw me in his, he broke down crying! It was heartbreakin'!"
Zinc laughed. "Yeah. Guy was a mentalcase allright. Them two were door guards who'd worked side-by-side for years, except the one didn't know the other had a little secret crush on him. Not my thing, but I ain't one to rain on anyone's parade. Anyway, he's beggin' and pleadin' in Piffle's voice for us to forgive him. Said he thought that, maybe if he was pretty, his co-worker would finally like him."
"Oh, but it all worked out in the end!" Piffle continued. "The other fella said Carl- that was his name- didn't have to turn himself into a girl for him to like him. He said he'd been havin' romantical thoughts too. He wasn't mad at Carl for keeping it secret, but he was disappointed he'd stolen someone else's body to do it, and demanded he change us back right away! To his credit, Carl did. And he even said it was nothing personal; that he'd been coming back from his secret peein' place, spotted me and thought I looked nice enough to nab. Kinda flattering, actually. And he'd taken good care of my safari outfit too. So I forgave him. Then he pointed a thingy at us and we both kind of upchucked our normal bodies. When Carl was back to being a red gorillathing again, he asked if Dunny would go on a real date with him sometime, in his real body. Dunny said sure he would, and they hugged, and it was real sweet!"
"If I remember correctly, the exact words were, 'Fuckin' oath, ya fruity bastid'," Zinc cooed.
Toby cracked up.
Even Junella sniggered a little.
Piffle took a deep breath and hugged herself. "I'm just glad I'm back in myself again! This body's much comfier. Though with the other one I felt like I could lift up cars and knock buildings down 'n stuff. It woulda been fun to experiment with more. But things worked out for the best and now it's all over. Plus I got a scrumptious funnel cake afterwards!"
Junella's face turned back into a frown, though she kept her fingers off her grooves for now.
Zinc kneaded his wrenches together and looked down at the floor, tail tucked between his legs. He spoke with considerable reluctance. "Actually, kitten, it's not quite over. I... I hate to, but I really gotta bring this up."
Piffle tilted her head. "Hmm? Oh, right! You helped me get my body back and I know I thanked you-" Zinc smiled, remembering her firecracker of a kiss. "-but I forgot to apologize for all the trouble I put you through! And the rest of you! I am sorry, really!"
He nodded. "Thank you. And that's a good start, but it's not what I meant."
"Oh?" Piffle looked back at him blankly, antennae raised.
"You've..." Zinc reached up to scratch the back of his head, stalling for time. "You've gotta stop doin' this kinda thing, kiddo."
Piffle shrank back in her seat, folding her paws in her lap. "Everything came out allright in the end," she said in a small voice.
"Yes, but..." Zinc growled. He hated when things weren't going smoothly in whatever group he was in, and it was sheer torture having to deliberately disrupt that smoothness. But it needed to be said. "That's beside the point. We got lucky this time. What if we hadn't though? What if those two'd gotten all the way back to Rhinolith before we found 'em? What if they'd come from someplace further? Or somewhere we'd have to backtrack to and lose time! Piff, we coulda had to travel the whole damn world searchin' down your body!"
Her mouth was set in a tiny pout. "It's not like I planned for it to happen. It was an accident."
"I get that," he said, trying to sound understanding and not exasperated. "That's why it was so hard for me to even bring it up. And yeah, if it was just the one time, then shit, accidents happen. Except you went off on your own into the woods when it did. And, well, that's been kind of a pattern with you."
She looked like she didn't quite follow.
Junella, on the other hand, lit up like neon. "I AM SO GLAD YOU BROUGHT THAT UP, ZINC!" she blared with cobralike eagerness. "Because I've been sittin' here biting my tongue in half, not sayin' a goddamn word about it on account of she's our bankroller. Plus, I wanted to be polite for once." She turned to Piffle. "I was trying to be extra-forgiving, since I'd let my irritation at your sunny disposition rile me up so much before. I was rude to you. For that I apologize. But I think I went overboard in being accommodating afterwards."
Piffle's legs were shut tight and her arms were pulled close, like she was trying to shrink away into her shell. "What do you mean?"
The skunk took that as permission to open the floodgates. "Right from the start, you have been goin' off doing crazy shit without considering how it'll affect the rest of us! We're heading into the badlands of Phobiopolis, so you buy yourself clothes so pink the space shuttle could see 'em! I told you to get weapons and you bought a fucking fork! When we were on the bridge, you flew off at those birds without giving us a word of what you were planning! And yes, I know getting bodyswapped wasn't really your fault, but you did know better than touching that goddam vending machine! And you did it anyway! Because you knew we'd haul your ass outta trouble. Just like after you turned into a blood-colored, hoof-fingered goat-for-a-head thing. 'Oh lah-dee-dah! What a lovely adventure this will be!' Piff, were you fucking BLIND to how wrecked-up Zinc was over that!? He loves you! Empty head and all! And seeing you in a frightsuit like that, not knowing when you'd turn back, if ever, was tearing him inside out!!!"
Tears were pouring down the hamsterfly's cheeks. Junella's tidal wave of words had left her shaking. But she did not argue or disagree. Instead she turned slowly to Zinc and asked him, "What she said... Is it true?"
The canine sighed and leaned over, ears drooping. "Some of that was too harsh. But that's my partner's specialty, so it's to be expected." He and the skunk exchanged glances. Hers said, 'I am not going to apologize'. His said, 'You don't need to.'
Zinc turned his eyes back to Piffle. He held her paw gently between his wrenches. "Though I'm guessing you mean that last part. About me. And yes, every word of that was on the money. 'Cept I don't think your head's empty. I think you're just... too optimistic for your own good. Sure, you're sure everything's gonna turn up roses. But there I was, seeing you all red and hairy and gangly. And like Juney said, how was I sposta know how long it'd last? Aside from worrying how much it'd detour our trip, I was split in two. I was trying to tell myself, 'Looks don't matter!' and 'Don't be shallow!', but I gotta be honest. I couldn't bring myself to hug you when you were... that thing. It wasn't a choice; I couldn't. And that ripped my heart out, really, because what if this meant the two of us were over?"
Her eyes shone with tears. She had no idea she'd put him through all that.
"Plus..." He couldn't look at her as he said it. "...what if the next one's irreversible? How can we be together if I have to worry about that all the time?"
Piffle bit her lip as she listened. Then she sniffed back a sob and turned her head away. "So. I guess I'm too much trouble. You all don't like me now."
Zinc snarled. "Don't DO that!! You know damn well we do! Juney just said she knows I love you, and did you hear me argue? I do. We all do."
Doll reached over to pat Piffle's leg, letting her know she agreed.
"We just..." Zinc trailed off, not knowing how to word it.
Toby cleared his throat.
The others looked at him.
He spoke in as calm and neutral a tone as he could. "I wanted to keep out of this until I'd heard both sides. Now that I have, I think what Zinc's trying to say, Piffle, is that we all still like you, and that's why we're saying this."
The hamsterfly looked confused, but eager for him to continue.
"I agree with Junella. She said a lot of hard things to me too when I screwed up. Not because she wanted me to leave, but because she wanted me to get better. The things she said hurt at first. It took me a while to accept some of them. Days, actually. But eventually I did and I'm glad."
Junella nodded. "Piff," she said gently, "I know I'm a bitter pill to swallow. But Toby's right. I don't want you to stop being you. Please understand, it's not enough for you to know everything'll work out for you in the end. Because what happens to you, happens to all of us. You, Piffle, are now part of an 'us'."
The others saw Piffle's whole mood change. She'd been about to nosedive into a crying fit, but hearing Junella of all people say that she was really and truly a part of their group brought happy tears to her compound eyes. She sniffled and wiped her face on a hanky. "I didn't think of it that way. I guess... I guess it's because I've been lonely for so long! It was always just me 'n mom. Or one friend at a time. I don't rilly remember my life before here, but I think maybe it was always like that. I guess that means I need practice being an 'us', huh?" She turned to the mouse next to her. "Toby, you were stuck in a bedroom all your life, yet you seem to fit in okay. How do you do it?"
He shrugged. "That's a good question. Now that you bring it up, I'm kinda surprised I haven't been even more of a dork this whole time." He thought for a moment. "Maybe it's because I started out accepting that. I knew I'd be clueless in basically every situation here, so I asked a lot of questions and made sure I listened to the answers."
"You have been a quick study," Zinc acknowledged, nodding. Then a lightbulb went off. He took Piffle's hand in his. "I think I just hit on what it is I'm hoping you can work on."
She leaned towards him, ears open. "Please, tell me! I really, really want to make sure I'm not a nuisance! I care about all of you! What can I do better?"
He brought her paw to his chest. "Just, let us in on things more. Ask first if somethin's a good idea. Like with the damn birds. You went whooshing away like a bullet, and for a moment there I didn't know what the hell you were thinking! If you'd've said, 'I'll go distract 'em while you pick 'em off', that woulda been perfect."
She nodded like an attentive pupil. "I'll keep that in mind. And I do apologize. I assumed I was just always gonna be bait, automatic-like."
"Not always," he assured.
Toby reached over to pat Piffle's shoulder. "You've done a lot of good stuff for us too. Remember when we were about to go off the road in Hypovolemia and you slammed us back to safety? That was amazing!"
Zinc nodded. "Busted your shoulder up too."
"That's right, I did!" Piffle remembered, and gave it a rub.
Toby was glad to see her cheerfulness returning. For a moment there she'd been a lot more fragile than he'd ever seen before. "Plus you escaped from Dr. Dacryphilia all by yourself. You forked the hell out of that convorine. And when Zinc was tipping the mall, you helped me keep away the security guards."
Junella leaned back, relaxing finally. "And of course, you've got a bit of skill with a willwell."
Piffle nodded to that, modestly. Then she stood and hugged Junella. "Thanks for bein' frank with me."
"Thanks for being willing to listen," the skunk replied.
When Piffle sat back down, a note was waiting from Doll:
YOU'Ve AlwAYS BeeN There fOr Me
New tears came to Piffle's eyes.
The mood in the car had been fully repaired. They were back to being a team. Toby was a little disappointed George couldn't be here sharing the moment with them, but knew the stallion was doubtlessly having his own life-changing conversation with L'roon. Toby certainly wouldn't want to pull him away from that. 'I'll fill him in later.' And... there was something else he supposed he'd be telling George later too.
Zinc and Junella hashed a few more things out with Piffle, ending with the canine receiving another whopper of a smooch. He asked Toby if they could swap seats. Zinc eased in beside Piffle with his wrench around her, while Toby noticed just how wide and dented the co-pilot's chair was (especially the armrests).
The mouse leaned forward after he sensed everyone was settled comfortably. "Guys, I told you earlier I wanted to wait to talk about this, but..." He shrugged. "With all the honesty floating around now, I think maybe it's time already. Something important happened to me in Dysania."
Zinc chuckled. "Yeah, man. I noticed a change in you right after we showed up. Were you out in the desert having a vision quest, like the Indians?"
He shook his head. "No. More like, I finally let myself see something that had been there all along."
And so, as George trundled them along across the seemingly-endless dunes, Toby told his friends everything. Starting with the bathtub, he went on to spill the real truth about his mother, her madness, his pills, his 'illnesses', and his father. He received comforting touches throughout his story, from fur, steel, vinyl, and plastic. But he barely felt them. He was concentrating on the memories, making sure he was relaying them accurately. No longer from the view of a trapped and helpless prisoner, but from a bird's eye outsider, looking down at the situation and seeing all its ugliness objectively. Toby told his friends why he'd been refusing his own confidence all this time. He told them about his dream in the Sleepeteria. He looked Junella dead in the eye and told her she'd been 100% right about Munchausen Syndrome Byproxy.
"Fuckin' told you," she snorted.
Toby was startled by her bluntness, then noticed she'd only been teasing, and her eyes shone a gentle understanding to him.
"I may have jammed that particular truth into you with too much blunt force. I'm glad it eventually did you some good though," she sang.
"It did," he assured. He took a long, deep breath, feeling winded. Spotting the cornucopia, he wished himself a glass of milk to soothe his dry throat. But he wasn't yet finished. "And because I'm being honest, and because I don't have any excuse for holding it in anymore, I have to tell you guys... I have no idea why I'm going to Anasarca anymore."
Several startled reactions.
No one looked furious at him though, so that had gone better than expected. "I know I already brought this up just before we left Ectopia Cordis. But at the time, I thought for sure if I agreed to go on, I'd start feeling some faith in the decision eventually. I haven't. After all that's happened, all I'm absolutely certain of is that I cannot choose between staying and leaving. Phobiopolis is terrifying, but I feel like I've lived more in my few weeks here than I ever did on Earth. Yet maybe if I went home, I could finally escape and do something with my life. Assuming I still have one left to go to! That's another thing; if a coma sent me here, who knows if I'm still in it? My body could be dead and buried for all I know. I'd come back to nothing but suffocation in a casket. Then right back here again. Or maybe somewhere else. Away from you. I'd have thrown everything away for nothing."
Noticing the mouse's hands quivering, Junella put a steadying paw on his knee. "Most people who end up here try for a while to find a way home. They all think they're gonna be the one Jack special enough to discover the big secret. There's a reason they all stop tryin' eventually."
"That's real cheery, Junebug," Zinc huffed. "Have you noticed we're well over halfway to the mountain by now? We've gotten farther than almost anyone. Give us some credit."
Toby nodded. "Yes. And that's why I want us to still keep going."
Several 'huh?'s.
Piffle kneaded her paws. "But you said your heart didn't know if it wants to go or stay."
Toby looked up at her, and the quivering left every part of him. His eyes were calmer and clearer than she'd ever seen them before. "It doesn't. But I do know, I want this trip to have meant something. If not for me, then for you guys, or maybe to inspire someone else. I don't want us to just say 'oh well' and turn around. If we can get to the mountain, then let's try. If nothing else, we'll have a story that'll last the rest of our lives. Something we can tell the whole world when we return. And maybe... Maybe I won't know my decision until I'm standing in front of Aldridge and the words come out of my mouth."
Doll nodded, then clapped her small gloved hands.
He smirked bashfully and did a little bow.
Junella sighed though. "I hate to always be the dark cloud over your silver lining, but are you sure you know what you're choosing, Toby? We're about to hit Dysphoria. Everything we've already been through'll be a candy shop compared to it."
He nodded solemnly. "I was willing to go through it before," he said solemnly. "I'm scared, yeah. But I guess if I don't go in, I'll know forever I chickened out."
"There is no shame in that," she countered firmly. "Is it 'chickening out' to not stick your tongue in a light socket? Or slam it in a car door?"
"Fair point," he conceded.
Meanwhile, Zinc was fidgeting. He had been honest with Piffle, Junella too, and then Toby had spilled his guts. It seemed now was a time for letting go of secrets. And there was still one floating around. "Partner, maybe it's time for some full disclosure about that, huh?"
She arched an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"Don't you think it's time we told the kid why we agreed to this job in the first place?"
Toby swiveled towards Junella. "Excuse me? Weren't you the one who told me at the start 'no secrets'?"
Junella ignored him and glared daggers at Zinc for bringing it up. "That's not relevant information."
Zinc stomped the floor. "If it's not important then why not let him hear it!? He deserves to!"
Piffle shrank back. She'd never heard Zinc talk to Junella like that before.
The skunk narrowed her eyes at her partner. "Howzabout you stop givin' me static and you tell him if you're so damn eager?"
"Thank you. I will." Zinc angled towards Toby. He took a moment to steady himself. Reaching into the cornucopia, he brought out a beer. "The truth is," he said, pooping the tab, "we know this road so well because we've been down it already. We got close to the mountain once. A taste of Dysphoria. And that was all we came back with."
Toby nodded. "I think I already figured that out."
The canine chuckled a little. Toby was no fool. "Didn't tell you why though." He reached for a bit of tree jerky to cram in his mouth to make the telling easier. "A long time back, we got hired by this rich family whose boy went in there, trying to make a name for himself. Instead he got AWOL. They were willing to pay us more imaginite than we thought existed if we could get him back. So we went. We thought a real smart pair like us, we could handle it. But we were ants chasing a tank. Amoebas. We failed our mission one-hundred-percent. We didn't prepare nearly enough. And what's worse, we even saw him for just a second. A glimpse of a shit-smeared, gibbering lunatic. Then one of Dysphoria's rooms took him away and left us dangling. We were ragdolls when we came out. Spent a few days crapping our pants, rolling on the floor outside the maze. True crazy. Then we had to crawl all the way back home and tell the kid's parents we failed. We paid back their advance in return for them keeping shut about it. If anyone asked, we acted like it never happened." The canine hung his head, his tone growing even more bitter. "But we've always been pissed at the place. Toby, you gave us an excuse to go back and settle a grudge. A grudge against a fucking place! That's like a pitcher getting pissed at gravity 'cause of a bad call!"
Toby was silent. He sat stiffly in the passenger seat, not knowing if this changed things or not. Finally he asked Junella, "Is it true?"
She looked past him out the window. Her body language was silent. Her eyes showed that she was traveling back in time, to a place that had broken her. The memory hurt. "Don't make me say it," she whispered.
He nodded, and didn't push further.
Piffle ran her paw along Zinc's wrench. "I'm sorry you didn't find him."
He shook his head. "We were stupid to think we could. Dysphoria keeps what it eats."
No one said a word for a while. The only sound in the car was the sound of skates over soap, and the indistinct mumble of George and L'roon continuing to converse.
Then Zinc looked up from the carpet. "Still wanna try it, Toby?"
The mouse looked into his friend's haunted eyes. Suddenly he felt a strange anger overcome him. He nodded. "I think I do."
"Why?" Junella asked.
He didn't know. Yet he was certain. It was something his deepest heart insisted he had to trust. "Not to settle your score. Not to get famous when we get back. Not even for me. But just because..." He blanked. His jaw trembled. Then he thought maybe he knew, even if he couldn't think of a nicer way to word it. "...because fuck that place for making everyone so scared!"
Zinc sat up, his ears peaking. He couldn't hold back a guffaw at Toby's unexpected profanity. "Well, yeah, I suppose that's a decent enough reason."
Junella smiled at Toby too. "You know what you're risking?"
He shrugged. "I probably can't know. Not really. Maybe if I did, I wouldn't be saying this. But then again, I haven't known the risks for a lot of stuff I've already done here, and I've turned out okay so far."
"It will change you," she warned.
"All the changes I've been through so far hurt at first, and then I got better from them."
Piffle could empathize with that completely. Though a wry smile came to her face. "Hey, weren't you guys just callin' me on the carpet a few minutes ago for doin' crazy dangerous stuff?"
"Yes, but we're discussing it first!" Toby pointed out.
Zinc snerked. Piffle giggled. Even Junella grinned. Soon everyone in the car was sharing a laugh.
Toby looked around and realized that, even without a secret handshake or a solemn vow, they had just made a pact with one another. They were in this together.
All the way to the end, whatever that might be.
***
Outside in the soapy air, George overheard their laughter and smiled.
"What do you think they're talking about in there?" L'roon mused.
"Oh, likely something lighthearted. Something to pass the time. Now, can you tell me more about the potions?"
"Absolutely." It was lovely having someone to show off to. "The core of each comes from the same will that a soul may direct at a piece of imaginite. Except you have to intercept it before it gets there, and put it in a jar like a butterfly. Then it must be fed to make it grow."
George tilted his head. "I never would have guessed!"
-***-