Alex Reynard
The Library
Alex Reynard's Online Books
Chapter 93
It was not what he was expecting. He didn't have to fake looking intimidated.
Toby kept both feet on the stoop as he peeked in, just in case he was about to step into a floor of her. That was thankfully not the case, but he had a different worry. Even a single step in moccasin-soled sandals might echo in here like the clapper of a church bell.
It was a foyer grander than any hotel in Paris could aspire to. Potted plants stood like rows of soldiers along the entry path. Murals and mirrors adorned the walls. The floor tiles were so shiny, Toby thought a single fingerprint would stand out like a police beacon. They reflected high, high above, where elaborate chandeliers encrusted a wide arched ceiling. There were statues of animals too. Nonevs. They posed on pedestals with bared fangs and raised claws. There were armchairs and love seats and couches, but not a soul in sight to sit on them.
And everything, everything, everything was emerald and marble tile. Green and white checkerboard. Everything. The pattern extended to every ornament and piece of furniture in the room. And it wasn't just the colors. He could see the criss-crossing seams of grout extending up columns, over armrests, over leaves, on the animal statues, even the multi-jeweled arms of each and every chandelier.
Toby gawked openly. This enormous palace was raising goosebumps. Yet, he had to admit, it was also beautiful.
"Hello, Toby. You took less time getting here than I expected."
His head swiveled around like a roulette wheel. After a quick sweep he spotted the only items in the room that weren't green or white. Dozens of square grey speakers, set around the perimeter at eye-height. The voice had spoken through all of them at once, but the volume was adjusted to give the illusion its origin was midway across the foyer. Ventriloquism by proxy.
"I should've given you more credit. I always underestimated you, actually. Sorry for that."
The voice was calm, pleasant enough, but wholly unfamiliar. Following its source, Toby saw a small figure approaching. He had no idea who it was. She walked with unhurried nonchalance down the center of the room. A girl who appeared no older than him.
Simple denim dress. Red blouse. Candy-brown fur with auburn hair. Her tail swayed behind her like the tides.
'It can't be her,' he thought. 'She has a face.'
A calm face, pleasant enough. Nondescript feline features. A small, chagrined smile.
Even though she was barefoot, her steps did echo in the cavernous room. She stopped about fifty feet away from Toby. A cautious but respectful distance. She crossed her arms behind her back and rocked on her heels, glancing around in a circle. "Like what I've done with the place?"
Toby felt reality melt. 'It is her. Jesus, I don't know how, but...'
Actually, now that she was near enough for him to stare like a gape-mouthed idiot, there were telltale signs. Her hair was a wig, for one. And her fur was not fur, but paint. So were her eyes. They were drawn on quite skillfully, but the pupils never moved, and they crinkled when she turned her head. Finally, Toby spotted the most obvious clue. She'd hid it quite well when she walked, but there was a thin strip of pinkish-beige plastic leading all the way back into the distance where she'd come from.
She grinned disarmingly. "How 'bout my Speech Synthesis Program v3.0, huh? Aldridge tried so hard to take away my voice. But I got it back. I like new technology, Toby. It could do stuff even we couldn't accomplish back in our day."
Her new voice was indeed quite pretty. It'd had him convinced until she revealed it was software. Listening closer, there had been slight robotic pauses. Some of the vowel sounds were repeated.
No. He couldn't let himself be dazzled by details. He was here for a reason. It was time to win an Oscar.
Toby let himself stare dumbly for a moment longer. Then deep black hatred clenched his face into a scowl. Buck teeth bared, he stomped into the room and flashed out his hammer to slam the door shut behind him. It sounded like a grenade going off.
"WHERE ARE THEY!?" he screamed.
Scaphis took a step back, looking honestly confused. "Excuse me?"
Toby balled his fists, squeezing the hammer hard. He took in short, intense breaths through his nose, then bellowed again, "YOU KNOW WHO I MEAN! MY FRIENDS!! JUNELLA! ZINC! PIFFLE! I CAME FOR THEM, SO GIVE THEM BACK!!!"
She blinked. "Well, I'm sorry, but you actually just missed them. Aheh."
Toby narrowed his eyes, glowering at her with shaking fury. "You're LYING!!! I want my FRIENDS!!!" Every word echoed along the length of the foyer like a rolling dust storm. The leaves on the potted plants trembled.
Scaphis held up her hands, palms flat. "I know you don't have a lot of reason to believe anything I say, but I'm honestly not kidding! I did have them, yes. But they escaped about a week ago. Damned if I know how. Literally out from under my feet."
Toby stood seething. He let his chest rise and fall like an oil derrick. His jaw was set so tightly it quivered. He slowly raised his right arm to fingerlessly brandish his hammer at her. "I want them back. We don't have to say anything else to each other. We don't even have to fight. You've covered half the fucking world, fine. I just want three people back. Can you spare that many!?" he spat.
The kitten's tail began to flick in irritation. "Look, Toby, I don't have them. They're probably halfway down the mountain somewhere, looking for you. I assume that's where you've been hiding all this time?"
Slowly, he nodded. His words were hissed through clenched teeth. "I found a cleft in the rock. There's plenty of imaginite around here to turn into food. You remember me telling everyone about my days in the cave? How long it took me to get over my fear and crawl out? Think about how long it's been since you last saw me. That's how many weeks it took me this time. That's how long it took to get over what you did to me. Minus a while spent looking for George. Now I'm here. I spent all day climbing your goddamn mountain, and all I want is my friends back so we can go far, far away and never fucking bother you again."
"I'm sorry that happened to George," she said straightforwardly. "I don't know where he is. You didn't find him?"
"I did," Toby replied. "I found a black sphere of crushed bone that I can't bring back to life. I talk to him, and sometimes I think his colors shifting means he can hear me."
To his surprise, she looked genuinely saddened.
Scaphis dared to take a few steps closer, folding her small brown paws in front of her. "I'm sorry to hear that, Toby. I regret doing that to him. And it hurts knowing there might be something I could do to fix him, but you'd never trust me enough to bring him here."
Toby trembled in rage even harder. His hands shook. A tear forced its way out of his eye. He raised his hammer higher. "I don't want to hear any of your bullshit," he said, voice cracking. "I just want my friends. I want to go home with my friends."
She held up her paws in a warding-off gesture. "For the thousandth time, Toby, I don't have them! But what I do have is an explanation. I can make all this make sense. I agree with you that we don't have to fight. You said that. But I can defend myself if I need to-"
He cut her off, snarling, "Yeah, I'll bet you can! Defend yourself against people who you paralyzed! And tore their fucking faces off!"
She closed her eyes, sighed, and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "The Neculaunis did things to me. You had to have felt it too."
Toby said nothing. But he lowered the hammer, slightly.
She noticed and looked hopeful. She took another step. "Why do you think he had it locked away? It's dangerous. It called to me. That's why I woke up. Just like it called to you, Toby. I saw you shuffling around like a zombie on the escalator. You were even worse in Aldridge's living room. Can you honestly tell me you were in your right mind?"
His cheek twitched. "I know what caused that. Dysphoria did it to me."
"And something else."
He stiffened. 'Did I tell her about Logdorbhok!?' He couldn't quite remember.
"The oblivion door," she said.
Toby unclenched, but tried not to show it.
Scaphis looked down at Toby's hand. "Permanent. I thought so. Why do you think you lost your fingers, Toby? I honestly don't know how you managed to avoid losing more. You looked entranced. Like in a cartoon where the scent of fresh-baked pie grows a hand and pulls someone down the street by their nose. That's exactly what you looked like as you stood there in front of it. It got inside us, Toby. You and me."
He shook his head slightly. "I don't believe you. You were so cruel to them."
"It takes what's already inside you and magnifies it. Isn't that so much more effective, and insidious, than just telling you, 'C'mere'? You felt hopeless, so it turned your inner dial all the way to suicidal. I was full of rage at Aldridge, I admit it. I lied to you the entire time we were together. It took the vengeance in my heart and made me go berserk. How do you think I felt after I chucked it into space and realized what it made me do to everyone?"
Toby flicked her words away. "You admit you lied to me the whole time. That's the first thing you've said that I believe."
Her triangle ears perked up. She smiled hopefully at him believing even that. "I did, Toby. I did. And I have to be honest with you, I'm not ashamed. Think of how you felt when you were climbing up here to confront me. That was how I felt for the entire trip. Days and nights. It made me almost glad for being mute. At least I couldn't give away how terrified I was. You were taking me back to him. The man who made my own body into a jail. You've guessed this is a veneer by now, haven't you? You're sharp."
She curled her tail around, then briskly rubbed the paint off, revealing a patch of smeared beige vinyl. "Still me under here. Can you blame me for wanting to look normal, finally?"
Toby narrowed his eyes. He spoke very low. Wounded. "Why didn't you just ask? We were coming here already. We would have been happy to help you. Why didn't you trust us?"
Her hands sagged to her sides. She looked like she wanted to run over and hug him, but was held back by his hammer. "I wanted to and couldn't. You're a fellow coward, Toby; you know what it's like. I used to be confident, yes. Confident enough to mesmerize whole audiences, live on stage. But getting stabbed in the back by your lover and your self-appointed therapist... Well, let's just say it gives you issues."
Toby said nothing.
"All I wanted was to get back at him," she confessed. "Crush him. Punish him. Make him take the spell off me. Toby, I have been stuck like this for over one hundred years. Can you even fathom that length of time? Longer than most people's lifetimes. Wandering around Phobiopolis, getting chewed on by nightmares, looking for anyone who'd stop screaming at my appearance long enough to help me!?"
A grim, humorless smirk. "What'd you do to deserve it?"
She stiffened and snorted in offense. "Deserve it!? You son of a-" She stopped herself. Took a moment to get herself under control.
Her next words were spoken with closed eyes and a tempered voice. "I can understand why you would say that. I was not the nicest furson in my time. But you seem to like Luxy. He wasn't either. Or Junella. Or George. I walked a tightrope over morality back in my day. But Aldridge didn't punish me for any of that. No, no, no. Because he didn't just bake me into a doll's body, Toby. He took away my voice. Why do you suppose he did that?"
The mouse steeled himself. By now his hammer was hanging at his side and his ears were all the way open.
Scaphis took two small steps and made her expression cold and somber. "You're very smart, Toby. Smarter than most people. Let's see if you can figure it out if I hand you the clues. Think back. You didn't give up hope just because of Dysphoria, did you?"
His tail quavered.
"It was more than the Neculaunis too. Toby, you were under a triple threat. No wonder you were so eager to kill yourself and find peace. You saw it. You were actually face to face with it, weren't you?"
"I... Yes."
"Can you say its name?"
Toby opened his mouth. Grimaced. Swallowed. Clutched his stomach. "...No."
"The Allfilth," she articulated. "The dead god known as Logdorbhok."
In a panic, Toby shushed her. "Don't say that!! What if it calls him!? Like, like, Bloody Mary, or Cthulhu!?"
She smiled in sympathy. "It's perfectly safe. He can't hear a thing while he's asleep. Though if he was awake, it'd be a different story. I've never seen him awake, Toby. I don't want to. And that's why."
He cocked his head, a dreadful expression falling over his face like a shadow. "Why... what?"
She stamped her foot. "Oh put it together, Toby! Come on! We sat right in his livingroom where he admitted he was an angel. Junella even made him show off his wings. Did you seriously buy that line about God casting him here accidentally? I never did."
Toby recoiled. "No... No. Absolutely no. Aldridge was nice to us. He was charming and told us stories."
Scaphis shook her head. "Toby, I did terrible things to you, and now here I am being nice and charming. People can be more than they show you. I thought this world had beaten that lesson into you enough by now."
Toby set his mouth in an insulted pout and raised his hammer again. "What are you saying!? That Aldridge and... L-logddorb-bhok... are connected?"
Scaphis leaned in slightly. Her voice was deadly serious. "Master and servant. Or pet, if you prefer."
Toby grabbed the sides of his head and shook back and forth. "NO!!" His shout went echoing down the walls. "That's not possible!!"
A shrug. "You're friends with a nightmare. What's so impossible about it? This planet is a hell, Toby. Or maybe an experiment. All I know is that God sent us a warden and an enforcer. A warden who's very good at pretending to be a saint, and an enforcer who floats in space, sending us all bad dreams till the end of time."
No words came from Toby's open, trembling throat.
"Hades and Cerberus," Scaphis compared. "It's been there right in front of everyone's face all these years. Obvious as soon as you hear it. Ask yourself: why does Aldridge live right beside the Allfilth?"
Toby had no answer.
"Can you begin to guess now why he might have had a motive to silence me?"
Toby was shaking down to his knees. He pointed his hammer at her. "No! I won't believe that about him! Not after you... I saw outside!! All those people! Sucking them up, engulfed and paralyzed, just like you did to us! If Aldridge is the real villain here, then how the hell do you explain THEM!?"
She nodded slowly, indicating that it was a completely valid question. "I've spread my way all down the mountainside, Toby. That's the power his wand gave to me. I broke through Dysphoria. I can feel it every second, gnawing at my heart. But my consciousness is right here," she tapped her forehead, "so it can't get to my perceptions anymore. Beyond that, there's the maze, and Papilloma, and Lalochezia, and Rhinolith, and a little place called Cachexy. I don't think we ever went there together."
Toby tilted his head.
"I'm there too, Toby." Excitement began creeping into her voice. "I'm heading back along the trail we took. Marasmus, then Lumbago. It's gonna hurt like hell squeezing myself across that glass ocean, but I'll do it. Because EC's there. You remember, don't you? That it used to be mine? Of course you do. Like you said, you saw the new tower. Dunno why, but I like building really tall things. Luxy took my best one and kicked me out. You were dead on the nose when you guessed that's why I stayed in the car. How would you like to have to look at your home after someone else stole it and put all their stuff in it?"
"I don't know how I'd feel," Toby said weakly.
"But it's all going to change. Once I take Ectopia back, the rest'll fall like dominoes. I'm going to cover everywhere and everyone."
He scowled in disgust. "Why are you admitting this!?"
Scaphis put her hands on her hips. "I ain't just doin' it for kicks," she said, in a fair impression of Piffle. "I have to. I'm the victim of a campaign of lies and silence that began before your parents or grandparents were even born. You, Toby, are standing here listening to me give my side of the story. How many others would do that!? If the boogeywoman of all their bedtimes came rushing down from the mountain, yelping about, 'Aldridge is full of shit! He's got a big dead nightmare pal that's causing all your problems!', would ANYONE believe that? Most of them don't even know Logdorbhok exists! I'd have to convince them of that first!"
Toby shrank back. "But to... swallow them up like that? You can't... There has to be something different you could do and not... that."
She slowly sighed. "I thought about it for a long time. I did." She closed her eyes. "But I already told you. I can't make myself trust anyone. I couldn't ask you for help, and I couldn't ask them. Once I started in on my 'project', it was all or nothing. I'll tell them all at once. Everyone. And until then, they'll sleep."
"The ones outside didn't sound asleep," Toby said bitterly.
A nod of acknowledgment. "Sometimes they wake up. I know it's torture for them. I know. But... What if you knew a secret this big, Toby? What would you do to break it? I don't even care if they hate me after I'm done. If I succeed, they'll know! Everyone will know. And even with all of Aldridge's godly powers, he won't be able to stand against a united Phobiopolis. Isn't that worth it? Even if it's not, won't it be? If we can make him shoo off Logdorbhok so we can finally have a world that acts normal?"
She clenched her fists, nakedly pleading for him to understand. "Imagine it, Toby! Imagine the whole world changing! Imagine Phobiopolis without nightmares. Without Logdorbhok's control, the constructs will be no worse than wild animals. Or they might disappear entirely. I honestly don't know. But we'll be free, Toby. Isn't that worth it? If I'm a monster, isn't this a goal worth becoming a monster for?"
"I don't..."
"Remember when you told me about Ectopia Cordis?" she asked. "Remember all those people furious at you for tipping over the mall? All the stores you destroyed? The owners who chased you after the trial? Didn't they think you were the villain? And how many people died when you did that?" Her paws balled into fists. "But you knew you had to, Toby, because Gyre 2 was falling, and it was the bigger threat. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, to prevent a greater evil."
Toby stood very still, hammer dangling at his side.
Scaphis' eyes begged him for an answer.
Slowly, Toby held up a single finger. "IF you're telling the truth..." he began.
She stepped closer, ears perked.
"Then you're right. That's a goal worth anything. If you're right, then I'll help. You were right about me seeing Logdorbhok. I probably understand better than anyone else in the world what he is. He's infinite evil. Concentrated sadism and suffering the likes of which no living soul could ever be capable of. So... yes. If your goal is to free us from him," he shook his head, unable to believe what he was saying, "then gobbling everyone up to tell them is, comparatively, a mercy. I'll help. What can I do?"
Scaphis let out an immense, joyful exhale. Her cheeks practically lit up from her smile. "Flippin' hell, Toby, you don't know how relieved I am to hear that!! To finally have one furson listen to me and not just turn their heads because I'm 'the evil Scaphis Tarrare'. Christ! Do you have any idea how ALONE I've felt up here!? I'm surrounded by people, and all of them hate me. I made my only friends hate me too. I'm America's Number One Party Pooper."
Toby snickered slightly.
Scaphis started walking towards him. "Let's get started. I honestly don't know right now what you can do, but you came up here for your friends. I'd like the chance to apologize to them too." She stopped in front of him, flushed with overwhelmed happiness. She put out her paw for a shake.
Toby's paw moved reflexively.
But then he swiftly grabbed his wrist and held it at his side.
She looked stunned.
Slowly, the mouse shook his head. "I have a problem with trust too, Scaphis. I still remember what you did to all of us. I'm not touching you until you prove you're worth trusting. Am I clear on that? Is that okay?"
She put both her hands up like he was a cop. "Perfectly! Jesus, I'm sorry. That was way too soon. You're completely justified."
Toby nodded, glad to see she hadn't argued. "You let me walk out of here without pulling any shit, and that'll be a good first step. You let me walk out of here, then maybe later I'll bring George. He's kind of heavy, but I'll figure out something. If you can fix him, that'll be a good second step. Is all this still okay?"
"Absolutely. No problem. I wasn't lying when I said you were smart, Toby."
Keeping his eyes on her, he backed up one step towards the door.
"Actually..." She frowned. "I made this place for you, Toby. I saw you coming and I figured I'd whip up a nice place to talk." She looked down at emerald green and marble white beneath her paws. "Did you wanna, um, look at it some more?"
He raised an eyebrow. "You made all this just now? How... When did you know I was here?"
A shrug. "When you were about halfway up. I felt some rocks land on me. Standard procedure, I always move my consciousness there when that happens to make some eyes and look around. I saw you climbing."
He winced. "I'm not quite the ninja I hoped."
"You did pretty good," she reassured. She turned slightly, jerking a thumb over her shoulder. "I can make us some sandwiches or something. This place has imaginite up the wazoo. You probably want to at least sit down?"
He looked at her warily. His thumb clenched slightly around the tonguerubber grip of his hammer.
"I'll leave the door open," she said.
Toby shut his eyes, drew in a deep breath, then let it out in a puff. "Fine. I'm gonna go have tea-time with the monster whose lights I came up here to knock out. My life makes zero sense."
She giggled. "I could stand here and let you bonk me with your hammer if it makes you feel better."
He handwaved it. "I'm not.. I never wanted a fight. I'd rather have sandwiches than violence."
Scaphis' smile lit up her face. She actually began purring. "Same here. Let's go! There's a bar at the back with a full deli!" She waved her arm, turned, and took off running for the far end of the foyer, where the line of potted plants narrowed to a vanishing point.
Toby took off after her, thinking that everything was going pretty well.
Scaphis kept smiling. She could hear her purr and their footsteps echo all throughout the giant room.
She knew it was hard to keep one's focus while running. That was why she was so sure Toby wouldn't look up to see the thread of herself which she'd been slowly lowering from the ceiling, millimeter by millimeter, the entire time they'd been talking. It took a bit of angling, but now she felt it drop down inside the cup of his ear.
The sound of Toby's footsteps stopped.
Hers did as well. Folding her hands contritely, she slowly turned around.
Toby was standing very still with no expression on his face.
"Sorry," she said, shrugging with open palms. "I told you I have trust issues."
She walked slowly back towards him, pawpads reflecting on the polished tile.
She looked him up and down, appraising him as a piece of sculpture. "I don't actually put them to sleep. I don't know how to. Well, except for my tongue trick. You remember that? With the faces-fall-off part? I coulda sworn you got a few drops of syrup before I tossed you, so I'm amazed you remember my name. Or anyone else's. Normally it's for putting thoughts in, or taking them out. The first few drops are a primer. Alone, all they do is..." she made a juggling motion, "scramble everything up. So, for whatever you went through... oopsie!"
Toby didn't reply. Toby didn't even blink.
She leaned in closer. "I'll put you somewhere comfortable. You deserve that, at least. Not just in the pile with everyone else. I want to believe that you believe me, Toby, I really do. I want to believe in your offer to help. But I have to be sure. You see how it is, right?" She pointed over her shoulder. "How 'bout that sandwich? I can run go make it for you and sort of hold it up to your mouth and squeeze it between your teeth?"
Toby's face unfroze into a weary scowl of bottomless scorn. "Cut the crap, Scaphis."
She backed up. She stiffened. Her jaw opened soundlessly and her eyes got very wide.
Toby crossed his arms in front of him.
Scaphis' eyes traced the line of skin that was still dangling from the ceiling, still pooled inside his right ear.
When she spoke, it was very carefully. "That's an awful nice trick, Toby. Mind telling me how you're doing that?"
Toby reached up to his ear and yanked her out like swatting away a cobweb. "You're so smart. Figure it out for yourself."
Scaphis backed up a step. "Allright then. This is new."
Toby nodded.
"I wasn't lying."
"Sure you were."
"I was-"
He held up his hand: halt. He let her get a good look at her reflection in his metal fingers. "You know what I noticed? In that whole long story you rolled out, I didn't hear you apologize even once."
She snorted. "I said I was sorry about a dozen times."
"You never apologized," he countered. "There's a difference."
Her features slowly turned from shocked to surly. She looked him top to bottom, sizing him up. The paint on her eyes began to flake. "Why should I apologize? I already tol-"
He cut her off again. "I remember Luxy telling me, pretty emphatically, to, quote, 'never trust a word out of her goddamned stinky mouth', unquote."
A flat, unamused grin. "What a vocabulary on that one, huh? You trust him, Toby? You really think that's wise?"
The mouse shrugged. "So far, yeah."
"Let me-"
He cut her off a third time. "You wanna know why I never believed a single word of what you just got done telling me?" Just as she was opening her mouth, he answered her first answer. "And no, not because I blindly trust Luxy. Or Aldridge. Or anyone else." He shrugged, then slipped his hands into his pockets. "Scaphis, I don't honestly care if everything you just told me turns out to be a hundred percent true. I don't care. We're still going to do this. You know why?"
She didn't give him the satisfaction of a guess.
He leaned in closer, nailing her to the spot with his eyes. "When Piffle said she loved you, you called her a liar. Right to her face. And for that I'm going to beat the shit out of you."
A startled, strangled gasp of a laugh. "For that? Toby, that's an awfully petty reason. I told you about the Neculaunis."
He began to slowly walk towards her, and was pleased to see her begin backing up at the same pace. "You're right. It is awfully petty. But even if I give you the benefit of the doubt, you said that the door only amplifies what's already inside. Doing that to her had no benefit to you, or your grand revenge. Not unless the benefit was the simple joy of hurting someone helpless."
Scaphis stopped in her tracks. She made her expression a sneer and her posture a wall. "Okay then. Masks off. Show's over. What if I did?"
"I just told you what I'm going to do to you for that."
A small, poisonous smirk. "I mean, you can try."
All emotion slowly left Toby's face. Though it was not like when he'd pretended to be frozen. He was simply done wasting the effort. His next words were as neutral as the grey of the mountain soil. "No, I'm going to. I am going to hit you so hard, and so frequently, that you will give me what I ask for. I want Aldridge, and I want the wand."
She crossed her paws behind her back, rocking on her footpaws. "You're funny."
"This is a legitimate offer. If you give him back, then we can all sit down and talk this out."
He briefly saw the fires of hell in her painted-on eyes. "You think I haven't talked with Aldridge before!? You think I didn't wear the results of that for over a century!?"
Toby displayed as much response as a concrete pillar. "Okay then. For the sake of my own conscience, I had to offer you that. I offered. You rejected. To be honest, I actually do want to fight you until you give in."
She pouted. "And here I thought dear little Toby The Lion was one of the good guys. I thought he wouldn't hit a girl."
"You're not a girl," Toby said simply.
A flat laugh. "Well, yes. This outfit was just to lure you in. See if I could hook you, for my own amusement. What else am I gonna do up here? It gets boring."
"I don't think lying to people is entertainment."
Her features slithered into a mean, burning smile. "You're right. It's more than that. It's what keeps me alive."
Toby looked down at the floor, seeing the two of them reflected in the tile. Seeing the provoking little smirk on her lips. With genuine sadness he said, "Scaphis, you're so stupid I almost pity you."
She put her hands on her hips. "Oboy. Name-calling. How will I ever recover?"
He shook his head. "No. I mean it. I've thought about this for a long time. You are stupid. Deeply, tragically stupid. Like, 'dumber than dogshit' stupid."
A trace of irritation crept into her voice. "Luxy's been giving you vocabulary lessons, I see."
"You're still not listening to me." Toby sounded exhausted. "That thing I said before? About how you could've just asked us for help? That was real. The honest truth. I know pretty much everything else we just said to each other was garbage-"
"No duh, Inspector."
He didn't react. "But that part was real. You could have asked us. Did you not see? How I forgave George for all the nightmare stuff he did back when he was just a normal mindless bonecuddy? Remember how we all forgave Junella for driving us off the wrong ramp and landing us in airplane town? And Piffle for running off and getting transformed into half the zoo!? Did you just miss all that!? You were never Scaphis to us. You were just Doll. Our friend. We honestly never gave a shit past that. You could have told us everything and we would have said, 'Geez, that's awful' and kept driving."
She set her mouth in a hard little line. "No you wouldn't."
"Didja know Junella told me she used to be a literal sociopath when she was a kid?"
A snort. "How surprising."
"I forgave her!!" Toby blared. "Then she forgave me for getting my Dad sent to jail on fake child abuse charges."
Her eyebrows went up. "Wow. Great job, hero."
His fingers clenched empty air. "You're still not listening to me! If you were smart, you would. But you won't. Because you're stupid."
"Stop calling me that. Crybaby."
Toby continued like she hadn't said a thing. "We loved you. Doesn't matter if you understand that or not. People who love you forgive you when you tell the truth and make amends. That's how it works. But you won't understand that. You won't because you're an idiot. You think everyone else is just like you. The only thing in your head is revenge and betrayals, so you think that's all there is in everyone else's too. But you're wrong. You're abnormal. Though you were dead right about one thing: you are alone. Whose fault is that?"
She gave him the ugliest dismissive sneer the world had ever seen. "You smug little toad, I'm older than your entire family tree. You're trying to play therapist now? Like Aldridge? Did you see what I did to him?"
Toby's posture was rock rigid. "If you choose to ignore what I'm saying right now, your life is going to get unimaginably worse."
She tossed her head back and brayed a snobbish laugh. "Oh ha-ha-HA! You're barely out of diapers! You have a weapon you trashpicked! Are you seriously-"
"Will you stop playing around, goddammit!?" Toby ran at her, hands outstretched like bear claws. Her arm moved to block him, but he tore it out of the way and sunk all ten fingers deep into the sides of her face.
She shrieked. Every speaker in the building crackled from the feedback.
Face twisted in a monstrous growl, Toby tore as hard as he could. It actually took far less effort than he'd anticipated. Scaphis' face went skimming across the room like a frisbee before smacking into a checkered column. It peeled off backwards, then splatted on the floor like a wet slab of modeling clay.
Toby stepped back, fingers caked with makeup.
Scaphis reeled, shaken and trembling. Her hands hid her face. Slowly, she looked up.
Where her painted-on features had been, there was only now what had always been before.
"I thought you said 'masks off'," Toby said.
Her chest hunched up and down with deep, angry inhales and exhales.
Then she balled her fists and screamed like a hurricane.
Toby covered his ears as the speakers all around him blasted unholy decibels at full power.
"That was MINE!!!" she shrieked. "MINE to take off! I was just about to! It was gonna be real dramatic! You RUINED that, you prick!" The flanges of plastic around her square-shaped void rattled in outrage.
Toby's ears were ringing fiercely. "I just wanted to see the real you. A big, dumb hole."
"I'm SICK OF YOU," she roared.
The room disintegrated. Every tile of emerald and marble all popped out of alignment at once. They fell from the ceiling and the chandeliers like rain. The statues toppled. The furniture crumbled. From underneath every surface came a bubbling, churning tidal wave of liquid plastic. It had all been her. Every chair, every column, every leaf on every plant. All coated over with a thin veneer.
"HA. AT LEAST I GOT TO RIP THAT OFF MYSELF."
Toby dragged himself up from the floor, sloughing off a small avalanche of tiles that had pelted him from every direction. He stumbled a few steps, dizzy, until he realized it wasn't his inner ears that were wobbling, it was the floor. He was standing ankle deep in her.
A dozen amorphous arms surged out of the walls to web him in place. Like a synchronized attack by chameleon tongues.
Scaphis' disguise melted. The rest of her paint bled away. The dress and blouse were ripped to shreds as she grew herself to five times her previous height. A fully adult colossus, naked and unashamed of her form. "So much for kid stuff," she said with a giggle. Her voice was slightly altered now, due to about a quarter of the speakers being damaged from the tile explosion.
Toby was pinned in place like a butterfly under glass. Only his head and sandals poked out. It looked like he'd been caught in the world's worst bugglegum popping accident. Still, he struggled.
Scaphis loomed over him. She knelt in the acres of herself that covered the floor. The edges of her face-hole dribbled and squirmed. "Keep smart-assing me now, runt."
Such an easy invitation was tempting. But he remembered, Luxy sez: Never give your enemies what they want. "One last time, Scaphis! I came for my friends! Now where are they!?"
Her head tilted like a dog. "Are you fucking serious?"
Toby shrugged. "Am I?"
She bleated in frustration. "Okay, fine! You're officially not fun anymore! I'm just gonna get this over with. As if you didn't know it was coming." She got down on all fours, a twenty foot plastic mannequin, and thrust her faceless face towards him. From within its darkness, he saw a flicker of green movement. Then out came her black snakelike tongue with its emerald tip.
"I like emerald, Toby. It's my favorite color."
"Really? I couldn't have-GHK!!"
His head snapped back as her tongue surged forward like a lightning bolt. The venomous tip broke through his forehead easily, and she relished the ecstatic release of pissing as much of her memory syrup into his prickish brains as she possibly could. "Yes! YESS! Oh FUCK that feels good!" She giggled madly. "Yer not shittin' yer way outta this one, Toby! Nosirree bob! Not this time! You could crap battery acid and I wouldn't let you go! I'm gonna make toilet paper out of your stupid fucking face!!!"
Toby's stricken gape of agony changed in a heartbeat to an expression of, 'Oh please, you overgrown child.'
Scaphis' arms drooped. Her tongue sagged. Her face-tendrils spasmed.
"You really are stupid," he said patiently.
He watched her face pull in a bit, similar to biting one's lip when one is thinking at a rapid pace. "You... Okay, stop this. Just stop. I'm done with the party games. This is ridiculous. I put a soda bottle's worth of syrup in you. Your brains should be gushing outta your nostrils by now."
A wide, smug grin slowly unpeeled across the mouse's face. "You really think I'm Toby?"
"WHAT!?" She shook him, making his ears flap back and forth. "What the fuck are you talking about!?"
He giggled. "Toby's already been here for hours. I'm the bomb you let walk right through your door, Einstein."
"NO! YOU SHUT YOUR LYING MOUTH! STOP IT!!" Scaphis reared back a tentacle and punched the mouse in the face as hard as she could. He merely laughed. With a dozen pseudopods, she grabbed his arms and legs while another two dozen tore off every shred of his clothes. She knew something was unbelievably wrong when he had no penis, just a ragged cutout hole. And underneath was... "Are you fucking kidding me...!?" She tore him in half down the middle, just like Aldridge. Except meat didn't come out. Clockwork and pumps and tubes and pulleys did. Like she'd just autopsied a wind-up monkey.
Both halves of Toby's face kept giggling, even as LEDs blinked inside and various cogs bled out of his cheeks.
"A bomb," she remembered.
Furiously, she tore into the automaton. Toby kept laughing louder. "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!!" Her tentacles ripped through metal, wood, plastic, and silicon. No explosives to be found. Not even anything that remotely resembled one. But there was blood on her flesh. Real blood. She recoiled, unable to believe what he'd actually done. Sweet Holy Jesus, she didn't think even she was capable of a revenge like this.
She grew a hand to hold over her mouth to stop herself from puking. "You skinned yourself alive!? You put your pelt on a robot!?" She dug into the face. Real, living eyeballs splattered in her grasp. A tongue and a larynx went sliding to the floor. "WHAT THE FUCK!?"
***
Deep within the walls of her citadel, a blood-and-soot-covered shambles was crouching in a fireplace. It had no lips to form words with, but it tried its best to anyway.
"Shhurprizzhe."
Toby jammed his hand against his skinned belly. He had been practicing dumbfounding the taser, over and over, all for this moment. He had to be sure he could create it under any circumstance, even with his mind clouded by unspeakable pain. Now he made it appear inside the lining of his stomach. And he was already so skinny, it wasn't hard to reach in after it and squeeze.
The button clicked. Electricity sparked. Toby killed himself.
He took the entire top fifth of Anasarca with him.
-***-